


a crescendo of hysteria (he feeds on the sheep's white fleece)

by PrinceDrew



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU, Ambiguity, Character Death, Creepy, Happy Halloween!, Horror, Let me know if anything else needs tagging, Questioning Reality, Sad Ending, Shotgun, Unhealthy Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, downer ending, not my usual works ngl, possible supernatural elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 07:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16471754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceDrew/pseuds/PrinceDrew
Summary: Connor was alone in the park, and then Evan was by his side.Perfect.“Hey,” he said softly. His hand found Connor’s, and he held it.Just how things are meant to be.And then he saw it. All the beautiful and gorgeous inhumanity that coated Evan as though nothing else belonged to him.Feel Happy.“I have to go,” he blurted out.And he ran.Feel Good Yet?





	a crescendo of hysteria (he feeds on the sheep's white fleece)

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to stress again this is horror. No happiness here. So please, if you feel like you shouldn't be reading this fic, exercise your caution, and close the page.
> 
> That being said, Happy Halloween, everyone!

Connor was alone in his room, Evan by his side.

It was a typical late evening for them. Evan had agreed to come over after school again, had agreed to sleep over due to his mom working overnight again, and now they were sat on Connor’s bed, watching movies together, waiting for Connor’s mom to call them for dinner, which Evan probably wouldn’t eat again.

They were watching The Thing, which Connor hadn’t seen before, but Evan kept fidgeting and looking away from the screen, and it was just enough to be distracting.

“Quit fidgeting,” Connor said, pausing the movie. “We don’t have to watch this if you don’t want to.

“It’s just -” Evan gestured vaguely, nodding at the screen. “It’s, uh, it’s hitting a little close to home, y’know?” And then, “ - the - the isolation? It’s just - I guess I’m too used to it…”

He shifted around a little, pressing himself into Connor’s side, and he had that sad, gaunt look on his face that Connor hate hate hated, even though he was used to it, so so used to it.

“I’ll put something else for you, yeah?” Connor said. “Ever seen Heavenly Creatures?”

And Evan smiled like Connor was the only one who mattered.

* * *

They had only become friends a short while ago.

Connor had taken a week off school after being discharged from the hospital - not because he wanted to, but because his mom was convinced that would be best for him, being where she could see him. But he had been upstairs when there was a knock on the door, which his mom had answered, and the next thing Connor knew his mom was calling that _‘his friend, Evan, is here to see him’_

“What are you doing here?” he asked, squinting down at Evan who looked like he just came from school, even though Zoe wouldn’t be home for another half hour at least. 

“I’m sorry,” Evan had said, not looking at Connor, but over his shoulder, like he wanted to look but just couldn’t. “I - For what I did to you. Just. Sorry.”

Connor blinked in surprise and stared at Evan. “What are you - Evan, you didn’t - I didn’t try to fucking off myself because of some dumb letter you wrote.”

“It’s not that,” Evan said, shaking his head, but then he went quiet, still not looking at Connor.

Then they just stood there, in silence, Evan picking at his cast. But there was something about him (maybe it was how small he seemed, maybe how sad and slight he seemed, or maybe it was just the feeling that he would understand him like no one else would, would like him like no one else would) that drew Connor to him. Made him want to know Evan. Made him want to be _with_ Evan.

His mom had called Evan his friend.

“Do you.” Connor paused, then looked away and sighed. “Do you want to come in? I’ve got a PS4 if you, like, want to play games or something.”

Only then Evan smiled at him. It looked a little relieved, but mostly it looked he wasn’t used to smiling. Like it wasn’t quite a human smile.

“I’d love that,” he said quietly, and he followed Connor inside his house.

As it turned out, he and Evan shared nearly all of their classes, the only difference being that Evan took French and Connor took Spanish. But that was okay, everything was fine, perfect, even. It didn’t matter that much at all.

They were friends now.

* * *

Connor had never been inside Evan’s house before now. 

It wasn’t something that bothered him much. He had been there a few times to return Evan, waving occasionally to Ms Hansen (he assumed that she was a Ms, since Evan’s dad was long out of the picture) whenever he saw her, and watching as Evan vanished inside his house. So actually being inside Evan’s house was somewhat surreal. 

“It’s so small compared to yours,” Evan said, with a tone that suggested he was apologising again. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather -“

“So long as I’m with you, I’m happy,” Connor said, and Evan didn’t look quite reassured at that.

His bedroom was tiny, but manageable. They curled up together on the bed as Evan got out his laptop and waited for it to power on.

“We never finished Heavenly Creatures,” he said. “Do you want to watch that?”

“Yeah, sure.” 

_Whatever makes him happy._

The only thing that caught Connor’s attention as they settled to watch the movie was how all the plants in the room seemed to be dead.

* * *

Deer were turning up dead in Ellison State Park.

That, in and of itself, was not unusual. Deer died all the time - Bambi had taught Connor that lesson, as had the fact that until he was seven or so, his dad would go hunting, until his mom got big on animal activism and fur is murder and convinced him to stop. That phase ended, but his dad never picked up hunting again, and Connor had overheard him telling his mom that he never had enjoyed hunting much anyway.

But there was something different about these deer dying. There had to be, for the news to report on it. Connor’s mother looked queasy as she read the article, and she pushed her own breakfast away, making instead to busy herself by tidying up around the table.

_Where’s Evan?_

“Maybe you two shouldn’t stay out after dark,” she said faintly. “I don’t want whatever - whatever that is getting after you.”

_You should go get Evan._

“It’ll be a bear or a coyote,” his dad said, not looking up. “Maybe some big cat some idiot released into the wild. The park rangers will take care of it. The kids aren’t in any danger.”

_He’s waiting for you. Go pick him up._

“It’s better to be safe than sorry,” his mom replied. “Connor, Zoe, you hear me right? Don’t go anywhere after dark if you’re alone.”

Zoe just snorted. “Mom, it’s at Ellison State Park. It’s not near us.”

“Still -”

_You need to pick up Evan, Evan needs picking up, what are you doing, just sat there, he’s waiting for you, you need him, go, pick him up, go, Evan, waiting, home, pick, go up, pick Evan up -_

“I’m off to pick up Evan,” Connor announced, standing up. Then he noticed how quiet it was, and how everyone was looking at him. “What?”

His mom spoke first. “I thought you were taking Zoe?”

He shrugged. “Well, now I’m taking Evan. She can come too, if she wants.”

“No thanks,” she said, shaking her head. “I’d rather just walk.”

“Suit yourself,” Connor said, and left.

He played Evan’s favourite songs on the drive over.

Evan was sat on the kerbside when Connor pulled up. He looked up, and smiled, as though everything were okay.

“Hey,” he said, as he climbed into the passenger seat.

“Hey,” Connor returned. And then; “don’t you think this is weird? Me just -“

“No,” Evan said, still smiling. “I knew you would come.”

* * *

“I don’t like Evan.”

Zoe was standing over Connor as she said that, frowning at him, arms crossed.

“I don’t like him,” she repeated. “He’s - he’s weird.”

Connor just huffed at her, tossing his book to one side and sitting up. “So what, I’m not allowed to dislike your friends but you’re allowed to hate the only one I have?”

She looked slightly taken aback. _Good. Shouldn’t insult Evan like that._

“He - Connor, you can’t tell me you’ve never noticed how he doesn’t eat,” she said. She was doing that thing where her eyes didn’t rest on Connor, but looked all around the room, mainly on the door. “He’s been here almost every day this month alone but I’ve never seen him eat.”

“He might just not like Mom’s cooking, have you considered that?” Connor asked.

“I’d believe that if he ever ate it!” She threw her hands into the air. “Don’t you think it’s a little weird how he spends all his time with you?”

“What, like a friend -“

“Did you even know him before this year -“

“Did you -“

“He never leaves!”

“So what! He’s my friend -”

“HE SCARES ME.”

It was as if the room was frozen. Zoe wasn’t looking at him. He wasn’t sure if that was for better or for worse. 

“Did he.” Connor paused. “Did he do anything to hurt you? Because if he did, I swear, I’ll -”

“No.” Zoe was shaking her head, hugging herself. “No, it’s not that. It’s just - there’s something off about him. How he’s always just that close to you. He’s - can’t you see it? I don’t like it.”

And then she left him, making him alone in his room.

* * *

Connor was alone in the park, and then Evan was by his side.

_Perfect._

“Hey,” he said softly. His hand found Connor’s, and he held it.

_Just how things are meant to be._

And then he saw it. All the beautiful and gorgeous inhumanity that coated Evan as though nothing else belonged to him.

_Feel Happy._

“I have to go,” he blurted out.

And he ran.

_Feel Good Yet?_

* * *

Being without Evan was painful. An ache had settled into his side, and that had been bearable, at first, but then it had grown, taking over him until everything just hurt hurt hurt mom it hurts I can’t see I can’t think breathing hurts it all hurts -

_You need him._

Eating only made it worse. So he texted Evan to come over, and he arrived as soon as he could. Just as he always did.

And just like that, the pain faded.

_See?_

“I’m so glad you’re feeling better now,” Evan said, smiling but not quite smiling. But that was fine, because it was Evan.

Evan, who never ate. Who recoiled from touches unless it was from Connor. Who was quiet but creepy. Evan, who was Connor’s best friend -

Connor couldn’t remember pinning Evan down. But that’s how he found himself, on his bedroom floor, on top of Evan, who was immobile beneath him, eyes wide, like he couldn’t believe Connor had just did that. His breathing wasn’t quite right.

“Listen,” Connor said, growled, snarled. “Evan Hansen, what the fuck are you? What the fuck is going on?”

Evan - just looked sad. Maybe scared. Mostly sad.

“I’ll tell you.”

* * *

Working at Ellison State Park as an apprentice park ranger hadn’t exactly been Evan’s idea. If it were up to him, it would have been better for everyone if he had stayed in his room all summer, emerging only when it was time to join the Kleinman’s for their annual Fourth of July barbecue, but his mom had insisted that he do something with his time - understandable, as Evan couldn’t stand himself moping for even an hour let alone a whole summer - and out of all the options, being a park ranger seemed the most appealing to Evan. So, that’s what he did.

He enjoyed it, though he would be lying to himself if he said it was fun all the time. Fear of failure combined with anxiety was never a good idea, but he did like what he learned and the jobs he had to do, and there were minimal people he had to interact with, so it was perfect, in a way, for a while.

Until he happened across the deer.

The deer was dead, to begin with. Or at least, he had thought the deer was dead. It was a doe, lying at the base of the tree Evan would later fall from, as still as anything, eyes wide, immobile. Evan had approached it slowly, not quite sure of what to do, about to radio one of his superiors, when it had jumped up.

And it had hissed, unlike any deer he had seen before. And the way it had leapt at him and knocked him over - no deer - no _creature_ \- could that.

He hadn’t even registered the fact it had bitten him until it was long gone.

But that hadn’t struck him as odd, not back then. He got the shots he needed to make sure he wouldn’t catch any diseases, and returned to work the next day, busying himself to ignore the spiralling thoughts in his head. The strange deer had been struck from his memory, buried deep down inside him.

Things didn’t get strange until a few weeks had passed. Things didn’t get strange until he had almost forgotten anything strange about the deer. Things didn’t get strange until the day he let go and fell from the tree.

Because he hadn’t broken his arm. 

Evan Hansen had died.

* * *

“Bullshit,” Connor said immediately. “That’s fucking - bullshit, Jesus Christ, you just - you made all of that up. That’s impossible. You’re a fucking liar. People just - they can’t die and come back.”

_Can’t they? ___

“But I did die,” Evan said, whispered, pleaded. “Connor, I promise you, I died. It felt like nothing. I was dead for ten minutes. Believe me.”

_Believe him -_

“What happened afterwards?” Connor asked, shaking, moving closer to Evan. “After you came back?”

Evan just -

Evan did nothing. He was still.

“It was the same as things normally were, at least for a while.” He wasn’t sounding like Evan. What did Evan sound like? “But - but maybe a week or so after, it - I started to hear it. In my head. And it - it urged me to do things. I kept - blacking out. and waking up in places I don’t know how I got to. I’m the reason all those deer are dead and Connor - and Connor, I gave whatever - whatever it is to you.”

“You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too,” Evan whispered. “The draw to me. The desire to always be with me. When you picked me up, to go to school? We didn’t arrange that. But I still waited for you. You still came to pick me up. Connor - I infected you.”

_BELIEVE HIM BELIEVE HIM BELIEVE -_

* * *

They were at Ellison State Park.

No one should be at Ellison State Park after dark, Connor thought to himself, not taking his eyes off Evan, not once, not ever. But there was something in the air, perhaps the stillness to it, that made it feel safe and comforting and it felt -

\- it felt like home.

A deer stood on a branch nearby. Evan’s head whipped up, 

He didn’t speak at all. Just left. Or whatever was left of Evan because that thing, that being, that - that creature in front of Connor was not Evan Hansen.

Deers, it turned out, screamed an awful like people. Connor’s stomach churned, and he threw himself to the ground, covering his ears, screwing his eyes shut tight, choking as he tried hard to not vomit everywhere.

(It didn’t work.)

When Evan returned, he was slick and shiny and sticky with blood, and his eyes kept flashing bright in the darkness.

“You see?” he asked. He was crying. Tears mixed with blood. “You see? Do you believe me now?”

“I don’t want to live like this,” Evan whispered.

Connor reached for him. Pulled the bloody boy into a hug. Let him cry on his shoulders.

“You don’t have to,” he promised. “You don’t, you don’t, you don’t.”

_You do-_

* * *

For all his flaws, Connor’s father was meticulous in how he locked his guns away.

They weren’t kept in the garage, but rather in the basement, in a locked safe. Both Connor and Zoe had been expressively forbidden from touching them, not that they had any desire to. Not until now, at least.

The combination to the safe was Zoe’s birthday. Connor got it open on his fourth attempt, and -

_don’ttouchdonttouch **don’ttouch-** _

He pulled out one shotgun. Some bullets. A minimum of what he needed. Handed them to Evan, who was shaking.

Connor didn’t like holding guns.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked. “You can - we don’t have to.”

_yes don’t yes don’t yes yes yes don’t -_

Evan just looked at him. “We need to.” And then; “There’s a cabin. In Ellison State Park. It’s abandoned, I think.”

So Connor nodded. “Let’s go there then,” he said.

_**D O N T -** _

Connor’s hands were shaking as he put the keys into the ignition. They didn’t stop shaking until they were on their way to Ellison State Park.

* * *

Connor’s phone kept ringing.

Ring-ring-ring.

How long had he been driving?

Ring-ring-ring.

It stopped. And started. And stopped. And started. And stopped and started and stopped and started and stopped and started and stopped stopped stopped started started started and stopped and started and ring-ring-ring -

“Oh thank god, you finally pick up!” his mother cried on the other side. “Connor, baby, I got a call from your school - and Heidi - is Evan with you?”

Yes. No. No, he certainly wasn’t -

“I’m right here,” said Evan’s voice. The shotgun was laying in his lap. Hadn’t they put it on the back seat?

“He’s with me,” Connor confirmed. “We’re driving up to Ellison State Park.”

“It’s just - your father’s gun - Connor, the safe was open, do you - Connor, please tell me you don’t have his gun!”

Was it worth lying?

“Connor?”

“We’re driving up to Ellison State Park,” he repeated. “Mom? Mom, I - look after yourself, okay?

“Con-!”

Evan threw Connor’s phone out of the car window.

_It’s for the best._

* * *

Connor pulled up beside the cabin. They had driven for an hour, or maybe they hadn’t, or maybe they had. Evan looked sick, and he didn’t get out of the car until Connor had picked the cabin door lock open, and even then he stayed there longer than he needed to.

And then he wasn’t Evan. Or his face wasn’t. But it faded as soon as it came.

The inside of the cabin was musty, with dried leaves covering the floor and cobwebs hanging from the ceiling. A single bed was pushed into the corner of the room, and one of the chairs around the table was broken.

No one had been in that room for years.

_perfect._

Connor took the shotgun and bullets from Evan, and turned away from him. Loaded the shotgun. Perhaps that would be easier, then. If he didn’t see him at all.

But he had to look.

_you don’t have to._

Evan was gazing outside of the window, like there was something worth looking at. He looked young. Innocent. Almost human. Almost perfect.

_don’t -_

Connor raised the shotgun. Aimed.

_he’s you you can’t kill him he’s you you you **he’s you -**_

Evan was turning.

“Wait -!”

Connor was sick in the corner of the room.

No one ever mentioned the _sound_. No one ever mentioned the look. No one mentioned - no one mentioned - no one no one no no one Evan no one not no one red no marron no one no no one sticky shiny no none good no bad no one bright no bright so bright no no no no no no n o n o _no_ **_n o -_**

Connor was alone in the room, Evan lying still by his side.

A bird was singing just outside the window. He thought he heard a deer stand on a branch. His stomach churned. Maybe he was hungry.

Was Evan breathing?

**Author's Note:**

> ...so that was my attempt at horror! I do think it's very clunky, but a good genre experiment. Not perfect, but decent. There's a little bit of Giygas from Earthbound influence in here, but also some of the thing. Title is from Secrets of Wysteria by Steampianist.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this fic. If you have any questions, like the fic, have feedback or noticed any mistakes, post in the comments below, or at my tumblr [here](http://princedrewwrites.tumblr.com). I'm getting better at using it, I swear! Or, if you just liked the fic and don't want to say anything, just leave a kudos. There's no pressure either way.


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